One of the ingredients necessary for a happy marriage is to make sure we deal with the issues of our past. The truth is the past isn’t the past until it has been dealt with properly, because our past effects today in a negative manner. Therefore, it is still the present.
Every person has some kind of baggage they bring in with them when they get married. Common examples of baggage are hurts that have never been dealt with, unforgiveness, generational sins from the wrong behaviors we were raised around, and quirks in our personalities that have never been fixed.
In order to deal with your past, you first of all have to be willing to be blatantly honest with yourself. We have a tendency to see the flaws in our spouse and associate them with how messed up their family is or past was but sometimes we are blind to our own issues. We need to honestly look at some of our less than stellar qualities and ask this question: “Could I be this way because of something in my past that I haven’t dealt with?”
The answer is always — yes! All of us are the sum total of our pasts. The good things in our past produce the good qualities in our lives today. The bad things in our pasts that we haven’t dealt with create personality problems, emotional issues, relational difficulties and last but not least marriage trouble.
When you begin dealing with your past, the first thing to do is to surrender to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you anything or anyone in your past you need to deal with. The second critical issue is always forgiveness. All of us have deep hurts from our past. Without forgiveness, our hurts become festering wounds that never heal and cause our personalities to malform around them. The simple act of forgiveness can set you free from your past and free for your future faster than almost anything else you can do.
Finally, we must take responsibility for our own problems. An example is the issue of generational sins. As we realize that our parents may have modeled a wrong behavior to us we must forgive them and then repent to God for our own sins. If we live blaming our parents or others in our past for our problems, we will never be set free.
We must also learn to repent to our spouses and others around us for our negative behavior. As we see the association between our past issues and present behavior, we also need to see how that negative behavior effects others. When we do this and take responsibility for it our baggage drops off of us and our past truly becomes the past with no negative influence on our lives today.
Ask the Lord to help you as you surrender to the process. Don’t focus on your spouse. You’ll be surprised how quickly their baggage drops off once you begin to change.
Marriage Enrichement
Monday, February 7, 2011
Maintaining an atmosphere of purity in your marriage
How can you establish or regain that kind of marriage? Here are a few tips:
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation.
1. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
Jesus said it best: "How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:42, NIV).
When it comes to sin, focus first on yourself. You cannot change your spouse, but with God's help, you can change your own behavior. Take responsibility for your own words and actions.
2. Do not return sin for sin.
Again, we should listen to the words of Christ: "Be merciful, just as your father is merciful" (Luke 6:36, NIV). Jesus said to do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation. Those attitudes and behaviors will only make the problem worse. To keep your marriage pure, make up your mind today that you will not sin in response to whatever your husband or wife might say or do.
This allows God to use your behavior to help your spouse respect and trust you. Purity—not sin—is the best way to deal with marriage problems, because the power of love and righteousness is far greater than the power of evil.
3. Admit your faults.
This is difficult even for the best of us, but a heartfelt "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" can heal a marriage faster than almost anything else. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV). To be right with God, we must admit our mistakes.
The same cycle that applies in our spiritual lives also works in our married lives. Honesty is a virtue in marriage. So is humility. Investing in both of those will pay high dividends. Forgiveness and purity begins when one spouse admits that he or she has been wrong.
4. Forgive.
What good is it if we admit our faults to one another if we are not then willing to offer forgiveness? Jesus said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).
A lack of forgiveness poisons our hearts, and that's why it is such a major issue with God. A blessed, refreshed marriage results when we get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and feelings that stem from an unforgiving spirit.
If you want a godly marriage, you must confess your own failures while forgiving those of your spouse. Next week we'll discuss three more ways to maintain an atmosphere of purity in marriage.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation.
1. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
Jesus said it best: "How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:42, NIV).
When it comes to sin, focus first on yourself. You cannot change your spouse, but with God's help, you can change your own behavior. Take responsibility for your own words and actions.
2. Do not return sin for sin.
Again, we should listen to the words of Christ: "Be merciful, just as your father is merciful" (Luke 6:36, NIV). Jesus said to do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation. Those attitudes and behaviors will only make the problem worse. To keep your marriage pure, make up your mind today that you will not sin in response to whatever your husband or wife might say or do.
This allows God to use your behavior to help your spouse respect and trust you. Purity—not sin—is the best way to deal with marriage problems, because the power of love and righteousness is far greater than the power of evil.
3. Admit your faults.
This is difficult even for the best of us, but a heartfelt "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" can heal a marriage faster than almost anything else. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV). To be right with God, we must admit our mistakes.
The same cycle that applies in our spiritual lives also works in our married lives. Honesty is a virtue in marriage. So is humility. Investing in both of those will pay high dividends. Forgiveness and purity begins when one spouse admits that he or she has been wrong.
4. Forgive.
What good is it if we admit our faults to one another if we are not then willing to offer forgiveness? Jesus said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).
A lack of forgiveness poisons our hearts, and that's why it is such a major issue with God. A blessed, refreshed marriage results when we get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and feelings that stem from an unforgiving spirit.
If you want a godly marriage, you must confess your own failures while forgiving those of your spouse. Next week we'll discuss three more ways to maintain an atmosphere of purity in marriage.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Pursuit of Joy
(Philippians 1:3-6) “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all
my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your
partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of
this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Happiness is external.
Joy is internal.
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18) “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed
day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for
us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Happiness is based on circumstances.
Joy is based on Christ.
(Philippians 4:11) “...for I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances.”
Happiness is based on chance.
1. Get over the distraction of what happened.
(Philippians 1:12) “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has
happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.”
2. Discover the new opportunities.
(Philippians 1:13-14) “As a result, it has become clear throughout
the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for
Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord
have been encouraged to speak the word of God more
courageously and fearlessly.”
3. Focus on what really matters.
(Philippians 1:15-18) “It is true that some preach Christ out of envy
and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love,
knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The
former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely,
supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way,
whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And
because of this I rejoice.”
Ultimate Joy
(Philippians 1:21) “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Joy is based on choice. When you know Christ, you’re in a
(Deuteronomy 30:19) “This day I call heaven and earth as win-win situation.
witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death,
blessings and curses. Now choose life...”
No Matter What
(Philippians 1:9-11) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound
more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be
able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the
day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.”
(Revelation 12:11) “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so
much as to shrink from death.”
my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your
partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of
this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Happiness is external.
Joy is internal.
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18) “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed
day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for
us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Happiness is based on circumstances.
Joy is based on Christ.
(Philippians 4:11) “...for I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances.”
Happiness is based on chance.
1. Get over the distraction of what happened.
(Philippians 1:12) “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has
happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.”
2. Discover the new opportunities.
(Philippians 1:13-14) “As a result, it has become clear throughout
the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for
Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord
have been encouraged to speak the word of God more
courageously and fearlessly.”
3. Focus on what really matters.
(Philippians 1:15-18) “It is true that some preach Christ out of envy
and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love,
knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The
former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely,
supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way,
whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And
because of this I rejoice.”
Ultimate Joy
(Philippians 1:21) “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Joy is based on choice. When you know Christ, you’re in a
(Deuteronomy 30:19) “This day I call heaven and earth as win-win situation.
witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death,
blessings and curses. Now choose life...”
No Matter What
(Philippians 1:9-11) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound
more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be
able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the
day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.”
(Revelation 12:11) “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so
much as to shrink from death.”
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