There is an odd truth concerning love and marriage. Understanding it is an important key in making marriage and other relationships work. The truth is this we don’t have the ability to really love without the power of the Holy Spirit working through us.
In Galatians 5:22-23, the Apostle Paul tells us the fruit of the Spirit is, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” According to this scripture, we don’t have the capacity to love without God giving us that ability as we surrender to Him.
Often, when people say they love someone, they are just talking about sexual desire or a passionate feeling. These kinds of feelings come and go.
So how are people able to “love” when they don’t know God? They can’t. At least they are not able to love with God’s type of love. God’s love is a special love the Bible calls “agape”. It is a love that flows out of the will and does not change. It is the most stable and predictable kind of love and the only type that can provide a lasting foundation in marriage.
Often, when people say they love someone, they are just talking about sexual desire (the Greek word “eros” where we get the word erotic) or a passionate feeling (“thumos” where we get our thermos). These kinds of feelings come and go. When they go for very long, many people give the old line “I don’t love you anymore” and are out the door.
Agape love, however, is a committed and sacrificial love that is modeled after Jesus. When Jesus tells us He loves us, He isn’t talking about a feeling that comes and goes. He is telling us He is committed to us forever and will not change. Whether His feelings for us are positive or negative, it doesn’t change His commitment to us.
We really need to consider what we mean when we tell our spouse, “I love you”. Are we saying that we are experiencing a fleeting feeling or are we saying we are committed to him or her forever and will demonstrate love regardless of bad feelings or negative circumstances? It isn’t wrong to express a feeling, as long as when that feeling isn’t there any more, you can still say “I love you,” and do the right thing regardless of the situation.
People controlled by their emotions are unreliable, and their moodiness can do a lot of damage to relationships.
People controlled by their emotions are unreliable, and their moodiness can do a lot of damage to relationships. The most stable and dependable people in relationships are those who are submitted to the influence of the Holy Spirit. They are powered by a supernatural love that will do the right thing through thick and thin.
Ask God to fill you with the power of His Holy Spirit. He never intends for us to go around trying to love people out of the shallow well of our own emotions. The ocean of His love is always available to any of us who would just admit our weaknesses and depend upon Him. His agape love is the highest love and will transform any person, relationship or marriage under its influence.
Marriage Enrichement
Sunday, May 15, 2011
One Heart, One Home and One Mind
…the two shall become one flesh…” Genesis 2:24b
When God created marriage, He created foundational laws for it to be guided and guarded. One of those laws is the law of possession. It is stated in the Scripture above. Once we are married we are no longer two, but one.
Certainly, this relates to the beauty of sexual intimacy that is unique within the marriage relationship. But it also goes far beyond that and is a profoundly important concept to understand. The law of possession means that for marriage to work, we must share everything and possess nothing apart from one another.
…God created marriage to produce the deepest intimacy and bonding possible in a human relationship. Once we are married, we must yield our rights over our own bodies.
To illustrate the truth of this point, look at these words from the Apostle Paul: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The meaning of this Scripture reveals how God created marriage to produce the deepest intimacy and bonding possible in a human relationship. Once we are married, we must yield our rights over our own bodies. This isn’t a license for abuse, it is a guarantee of use in getting our needs met. The context of Paul’s words is sex in marriage
In God’s design, we can’t withhold from each other. This includes sex or any other area. We must give everything we have to each other and share everything. This is why it is called the law of possession. The only way two different individuals can become one is if both of us are willing to take what was ours individually and now surrender it to the common cause.
This law stands in stark contrast to marriage in our modern society. Rather than surrendering and sharing with a sacrificial, servant spirit — couples are more selfish and independent than ever. It is “my” body “my” money “my”—career. etc. The bottom line is this—the word “my” destroys the spirit of marriage. The word “ours” creates the spirit of marriage.
Marriage is about sharing our lives with each other. That requires giving of ourselves and caring for each other. It means we don’t make decisions without the agreement of our spouses. It means we don’t withdraw sex or anything else in the relationship to punish or control. It means all of the money and assets of the family belong to both spouses equally, regardless of where they came from or who went to work to earn them.
Selfishness and independence destroy the spirit of marriage. Giving and sharing create the strongest bond of intimacy possible. This intimacy is so powerful that the word used to describe it is “one”. Two people becoming one heart, one home and one mind as they lay aside their individualism and selfishness is what marriage is all about.
I encourage you to consider this point related to your own marriage. It is an area we can all grow in.
When God created marriage, He created foundational laws for it to be guided and guarded. One of those laws is the law of possession. It is stated in the Scripture above. Once we are married we are no longer two, but one.
Certainly, this relates to the beauty of sexual intimacy that is unique within the marriage relationship. But it also goes far beyond that and is a profoundly important concept to understand. The law of possession means that for marriage to work, we must share everything and possess nothing apart from one another.
…God created marriage to produce the deepest intimacy and bonding possible in a human relationship. Once we are married, we must yield our rights over our own bodies.
To illustrate the truth of this point, look at these words from the Apostle Paul: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The meaning of this Scripture reveals how God created marriage to produce the deepest intimacy and bonding possible in a human relationship. Once we are married, we must yield our rights over our own bodies. This isn’t a license for abuse, it is a guarantee of use in getting our needs met. The context of Paul’s words is sex in marriage
In God’s design, we can’t withhold from each other. This includes sex or any other area. We must give everything we have to each other and share everything. This is why it is called the law of possession. The only way two different individuals can become one is if both of us are willing to take what was ours individually and now surrender it to the common cause.
This law stands in stark contrast to marriage in our modern society. Rather than surrendering and sharing with a sacrificial, servant spirit — couples are more selfish and independent than ever. It is “my” body “my” money “my”—career. etc. The bottom line is this—the word “my” destroys the spirit of marriage. The word “ours” creates the spirit of marriage.
Marriage is about sharing our lives with each other. That requires giving of ourselves and caring for each other. It means we don’t make decisions without the agreement of our spouses. It means we don’t withdraw sex or anything else in the relationship to punish or control. It means all of the money and assets of the family belong to both spouses equally, regardless of where they came from or who went to work to earn them.
Selfishness and independence destroy the spirit of marriage. Giving and sharing create the strongest bond of intimacy possible. This intimacy is so powerful that the word used to describe it is “one”. Two people becoming one heart, one home and one mind as they lay aside their individualism and selfishness is what marriage is all about.
I encourage you to consider this point related to your own marriage. It is an area we can all grow in.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Truth about Marriage
Do you know that marriage was designed by God in a specific way? There is an absolute truth to the way a marriage should operate (the roles of a husband and a wife).
Let's take a look at two scriptures that are loaded with wisdom about the design of marriage. Actually, there's so much to these passages, we will only look at part of them today and then continue to break them down over the next couple of weeks. If you are engaged, having marital problems, or just wanting to enrich your marriage then this is a great foundational scripture to begin meditating on.
Genesis 24 says, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh..."
Paul actually quotes this same scripture in Ephesians 5:31,
"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh..."
First off, I want to highlight the importance of the truth contained in these passages. Paul thought this truth was worth repeating word-for-word. This, I think, should catch our attention. Think about it: the truth is written in Genesis (the first book of the Old Testament) right after Eve was formed from Adam's rib, and then included in Paul's letter to the Ephesians (which is in the New Testament) thousands of years later. God's Word is unchanging! This is good news for many reasons; including that the keys to having a successful, life-giving marriage are unchanging and are not SUPPOSED to be a mystery to us.
The remainder of our focus will go to the first segment of this scripture: "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother...."
While we do literally leave our parents home, this isn't talking about a place... its referring to the responsibility the husband assumes once he becomes mature and enters into marriage. A man steps out from under his parents and assumes the position as the leader of his own family. We will go into depth about the roles of the husbands and wives at a later date, but one clear role for the husband is to assume this position as the leader. So husbands, whether you knew that or not when you got married, biblically you are the leader in every aspect (especially spiritually). Realize that the direction of your marriage and family, and the way your marriage and home exists now, is shaped by your leadership. And you can't NOT lead. God's design is for the man to lead. So, if you think you're not leading, you are deceived. You just aren't leading well.
Husbands, YOU are going to have to ensure that your marriage starts off on a successful path, or changes into what you've always thought it should be! So take an honest look at your vision for your marriage... Now, ask yourself these two questions:
1) Where am I taking my family?...
2) Why am I going that way?...
Let's take a look at two scriptures that are loaded with wisdom about the design of marriage. Actually, there's so much to these passages, we will only look at part of them today and then continue to break them down over the next couple of weeks. If you are engaged, having marital problems, or just wanting to enrich your marriage then this is a great foundational scripture to begin meditating on.
Genesis 24 says, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh..."
Paul actually quotes this same scripture in Ephesians 5:31,
"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh..."
First off, I want to highlight the importance of the truth contained in these passages. Paul thought this truth was worth repeating word-for-word. This, I think, should catch our attention. Think about it: the truth is written in Genesis (the first book of the Old Testament) right after Eve was formed from Adam's rib, and then included in Paul's letter to the Ephesians (which is in the New Testament) thousands of years later. God's Word is unchanging! This is good news for many reasons; including that the keys to having a successful, life-giving marriage are unchanging and are not SUPPOSED to be a mystery to us.
The remainder of our focus will go to the first segment of this scripture: "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother...."
While we do literally leave our parents home, this isn't talking about a place... its referring to the responsibility the husband assumes once he becomes mature and enters into marriage. A man steps out from under his parents and assumes the position as the leader of his own family. We will go into depth about the roles of the husbands and wives at a later date, but one clear role for the husband is to assume this position as the leader. So husbands, whether you knew that or not when you got married, biblically you are the leader in every aspect (especially spiritually). Realize that the direction of your marriage and family, and the way your marriage and home exists now, is shaped by your leadership. And you can't NOT lead. God's design is for the man to lead. So, if you think you're not leading, you are deceived. You just aren't leading well.
Husbands, YOU are going to have to ensure that your marriage starts off on a successful path, or changes into what you've always thought it should be! So take an honest look at your vision for your marriage... Now, ask yourself these two questions:
1) Where am I taking my family?...
2) Why am I going that way?...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Dealing with your Past
One of the ingredients necessary for a happy marriage is to make sure we deal with the issues of our past. The truth is the past isn’t the past until it has been dealt with properly, because our past effects today in a negative manner. Therefore, it is still the present.
Every person has some kind of baggage they bring in with them when they get married. Common examples of baggage are hurts that have never been dealt with, unforgiveness, generational sins from the wrong behaviors we were raised around, and quirks in our personalities that have never been fixed.
In order to deal with your past, you first of all have to be willing to be blatantly honest with yourself. We have a tendency to see the flaws in our spouse and associate them with how messed up their family is or past was but sometimes we are blind to our own issues. We need to honestly look at some of our less than stellar qualities and ask this question: “Could I be this way because of something in my past that I haven’t dealt with?”
The answer is always — yes! All of us are the sum total of our pasts. The good things in our past produce the good qualities in our lives today. The bad things in our pasts that we haven’t dealt with create personality problems, emotional issues, relational difficulties and last but not least marriage trouble.
When you begin dealing with your past, the first thing to do is to surrender to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you anything or anyone in your past you need to deal with. The second critical issue is always forgiveness. All of us have deep hurts from our past. Without forgiveness, our hurts become festering wounds that never heal and cause our personalities to malform around them. The simple act of forgiveness can set you free from your past and free for your future faster than almost anything else you can do.
Finally, we must take responsibility for our own problems. An example is the issue of generational sins. As we realize that our parents may have modeled a wrong behavior to us we must forgive them and then repent to God for our own sins. If we live blaming our parents or others in our past for our problems, we will never be set free.
We must also learn to repent to our spouses and others around us for our negative behavior. As we see the association between our past issues and present behavior, we also need to see how that negative behavior effects others. When we do this and take responsibility for it our baggage drops off of us and our past truly becomes the past with no negative influence on our lives today.
Ask the Lord to help you as you surrender to the process. Don’t focus on your spouse. You’ll be surprised how quickly their baggage drops off once you begin to change.
Every person has some kind of baggage they bring in with them when they get married. Common examples of baggage are hurts that have never been dealt with, unforgiveness, generational sins from the wrong behaviors we were raised around, and quirks in our personalities that have never been fixed.
In order to deal with your past, you first of all have to be willing to be blatantly honest with yourself. We have a tendency to see the flaws in our spouse and associate them with how messed up their family is or past was but sometimes we are blind to our own issues. We need to honestly look at some of our less than stellar qualities and ask this question: “Could I be this way because of something in my past that I haven’t dealt with?”
The answer is always — yes! All of us are the sum total of our pasts. The good things in our past produce the good qualities in our lives today. The bad things in our pasts that we haven’t dealt with create personality problems, emotional issues, relational difficulties and last but not least marriage trouble.
When you begin dealing with your past, the first thing to do is to surrender to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you anything or anyone in your past you need to deal with. The second critical issue is always forgiveness. All of us have deep hurts from our past. Without forgiveness, our hurts become festering wounds that never heal and cause our personalities to malform around them. The simple act of forgiveness can set you free from your past and free for your future faster than almost anything else you can do.
Finally, we must take responsibility for our own problems. An example is the issue of generational sins. As we realize that our parents may have modeled a wrong behavior to us we must forgive them and then repent to God for our own sins. If we live blaming our parents or others in our past for our problems, we will never be set free.
We must also learn to repent to our spouses and others around us for our negative behavior. As we see the association between our past issues and present behavior, we also need to see how that negative behavior effects others. When we do this and take responsibility for it our baggage drops off of us and our past truly becomes the past with no negative influence on our lives today.
Ask the Lord to help you as you surrender to the process. Don’t focus on your spouse. You’ll be surprised how quickly their baggage drops off once you begin to change.
Maintaining an atmosphere of purity in your marriage
How can you establish or regain that kind of marriage? Here are a few tips:
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation.
1. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
Jesus said it best: "How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:42, NIV).
When it comes to sin, focus first on yourself. You cannot change your spouse, but with God's help, you can change your own behavior. Take responsibility for your own words and actions.
2. Do not return sin for sin.
Again, we should listen to the words of Christ: "Be merciful, just as your father is merciful" (Luke 6:36, NIV). Jesus said to do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation. Those attitudes and behaviors will only make the problem worse. To keep your marriage pure, make up your mind today that you will not sin in response to whatever your husband or wife might say or do.
This allows God to use your behavior to help your spouse respect and trust you. Purity—not sin—is the best way to deal with marriage problems, because the power of love and righteousness is far greater than the power of evil.
3. Admit your faults.
This is difficult even for the best of us, but a heartfelt "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" can heal a marriage faster than almost anything else. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV). To be right with God, we must admit our mistakes.
The same cycle that applies in our spiritual lives also works in our married lives. Honesty is a virtue in marriage. So is humility. Investing in both of those will pay high dividends. Forgiveness and purity begins when one spouse admits that he or she has been wrong.
4. Forgive.
What good is it if we admit our faults to one another if we are not then willing to offer forgiveness? Jesus said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).
A lack of forgiveness poisons our hearts, and that's why it is such a major issue with God. A blessed, refreshed marriage results when we get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and feelings that stem from an unforgiving spirit.
If you want a godly marriage, you must confess your own failures while forgiving those of your spouse. Next week we'll discuss three more ways to maintain an atmosphere of purity in marriage.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation.
1. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
Jesus said it best: "How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:42, NIV).
When it comes to sin, focus first on yourself. You cannot change your spouse, but with God's help, you can change your own behavior. Take responsibility for your own words and actions.
2. Do not return sin for sin.
Again, we should listen to the words of Christ: "Be merciful, just as your father is merciful" (Luke 6:36, NIV). Jesus said to do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Marriage problems will never be solved by revenge and retaliation. Those attitudes and behaviors will only make the problem worse. To keep your marriage pure, make up your mind today that you will not sin in response to whatever your husband or wife might say or do.
This allows God to use your behavior to help your spouse respect and trust you. Purity—not sin—is the best way to deal with marriage problems, because the power of love and righteousness is far greater than the power of evil.
3. Admit your faults.
This is difficult even for the best of us, but a heartfelt "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" can heal a marriage faster than almost anything else. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV). To be right with God, we must admit our mistakes.
The same cycle that applies in our spiritual lives also works in our married lives. Honesty is a virtue in marriage. So is humility. Investing in both of those will pay high dividends. Forgiveness and purity begins when one spouse admits that he or she has been wrong.
4. Forgive.
What good is it if we admit our faults to one another if we are not then willing to offer forgiveness? Jesus said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).
A lack of forgiveness poisons our hearts, and that's why it is such a major issue with God. A blessed, refreshed marriage results when we get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and feelings that stem from an unforgiving spirit.
If you want a godly marriage, you must confess your own failures while forgiving those of your spouse. Next week we'll discuss three more ways to maintain an atmosphere of purity in marriage.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Pursuit of Joy
(Philippians 1:3-6) “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all
my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your
partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of
this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Happiness is external.
Joy is internal.
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18) “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed
day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for
us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Happiness is based on circumstances.
Joy is based on Christ.
(Philippians 4:11) “...for I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances.”
Happiness is based on chance.
1. Get over the distraction of what happened.
(Philippians 1:12) “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has
happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.”
2. Discover the new opportunities.
(Philippians 1:13-14) “As a result, it has become clear throughout
the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for
Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord
have been encouraged to speak the word of God more
courageously and fearlessly.”
3. Focus on what really matters.
(Philippians 1:15-18) “It is true that some preach Christ out of envy
and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love,
knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The
former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely,
supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way,
whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And
because of this I rejoice.”
Ultimate Joy
(Philippians 1:21) “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Joy is based on choice. When you know Christ, you’re in a
(Deuteronomy 30:19) “This day I call heaven and earth as win-win situation.
witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death,
blessings and curses. Now choose life...”
No Matter What
(Philippians 1:9-11) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound
more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be
able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the
day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.”
(Revelation 12:11) “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so
much as to shrink from death.”
my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your
partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of
this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Happiness is external.
Joy is internal.
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18) “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed
day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for
us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Happiness is based on circumstances.
Joy is based on Christ.
(Philippians 4:11) “...for I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances.”
Happiness is based on chance.
1. Get over the distraction of what happened.
(Philippians 1:12) “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has
happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.”
2. Discover the new opportunities.
(Philippians 1:13-14) “As a result, it has become clear throughout
the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for
Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord
have been encouraged to speak the word of God more
courageously and fearlessly.”
3. Focus on what really matters.
(Philippians 1:15-18) “It is true that some preach Christ out of envy
and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love,
knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The
former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely,
supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way,
whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And
because of this I rejoice.”
Ultimate Joy
(Philippians 1:21) “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Joy is based on choice. When you know Christ, you’re in a
(Deuteronomy 30:19) “This day I call heaven and earth as win-win situation.
witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death,
blessings and curses. Now choose life...”
No Matter What
(Philippians 1:9-11) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound
more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be
able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the
day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.”
(Revelation 12:11) “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so
much as to shrink from death.”
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Baggage Check
Do we ever feel as though there is something that is weighing us down? Maybe we don't know how to identify it or what it is? Here are five things that God's word points out that will cause extra baggage in our lives... Unfulfilled expectations.
Untreated pain.
Unresolved yesterdays.
Unhealthy view of self.
Unrepented sin.
Let us trust fully in what God is showing us through his word and always rely on his strength and not our own.
(2 Corinthians 10:5) “We demolish arguments and every pretension that
Here are three ways of how God will remove and get rid of baggage in your life.
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